Living Life & Loving It

Category: Writings

The Monthly Evaluation

Looking back over the things that I have been overtaking lately, I can clearly see that things are progressing in a direction that I deem positive. The most important thing that I see is the things I have done in my past. Not that I tend to live in my past, but more so, I like to observe and learn from the footprints I leave behind.

I wrote a blog earlier this year about Perspective…my perspective to be specific.

I did that basically to put what I am doing/have been going through “on paper”. Seeing those things were like seeing a wall of successes, brick by brick, built with sweat and Time.  I usually reference that blog myself occasionally and lately…it dawned on me:

That perspective I had on Life has changed drastically! So much so that most of what I wrote has come into some type of fruition. During a conversation with one of my aunts a few weeks prior to writing this piece, she stressed to me how important and necessary it is to write down the thoughts and plans on my mind. As much as it has been stressed to me in the past, one would believe that I write EVERYTHING down! I actually can’t stand writing. I don’t even like writing raps on paper…until I copyright them…

I will be writing this “Monthly Evaluation” down though! Maybe not so much a monthly thing and more and “ongoing evaluation process”.  I want to be able to tackle objectives in order of mentalogical order…I made that word up but its ohkay though…

A lot of projects are arriving on a release, reveal, unleash, unveil and all them other words of wonder and refreshment! I will continue to tweak and fine tune all the tools I have in order  to bring the grandest experience possible from my side of the spectrum. Progress is a process and I loving the experiences that come from each day! I will be keeping Ü well informed in whatever way that I know how! So be smooth this weekend and don’t forget to brush you teeth!!!



State of The Mental

I want to make this post as clear as possible, mostly for myself. After spending hundreds of HOURS and investing THOUSANDS of dollars (that I don’t have) on “becoming a better me”, I do believe I have figured it out. The truth of the matter is:

I have ALWAYS been a dynamic & incredible individual, but my confidence & self esteem levels have been FUCKED OVER COMPLETELY during this lifetime.

It takes very mature individuals to recognize, understand, and OVERstand how those experiences shape the mind of a human. Definitely not gonna act like Im one of those people! I do have a grand grasp on how I feel the world around me should work though…and it pisses me off and worries me dayum near every day. Knowing I can’t change certain things is a coping tool. That still doesn’t stop me from trying to understand  and even attempting to change things within myself.

Which brings us to the current:

Secrets can not be secrets if there are people who know. Period.

While not trying to elaborate on that thought much, I will say I have never had anything to hide. I am & will continue to be an open book…the one that speaks to Ü n shyt!!! Its just that lately, for me at least, the big picture is becoming more clear and recognizable. Not saying I know EXACTLY whats going on, but all the pieces are coming together to form a storyline. The Truth can only be veiled for a limited of time…like the 99 cent Whopper.

Clarity is the current goal and message I will be striving to push from this point forward. I will not be abandoning the message of Change anytime soon, I just want to focus on becoming more clear with my intentions. Might need to construct a guideline or templet for myself to follow…keep me on track with what I want to achieve…a “map to success” if Ü will!  Ill keep Ü posted on what happens with this new shift in thinking and perception.


people in the information space

social network, communication in the global computer networks. silhouette of a human head with an interface icons.

The Closed Minds Eye

Lately, the information circulating the planet has been opening up some questions that I personally have very little answers for…might not ever get the answers either. I will say though, these are some super exciting times that we are living in! The next decade is going to provide us with a deeper understanding of our place in this life. Only for those who are awake and aware of the impending changes upon us.

I get pretty deep into this type of thing for real! I tend to stare into the night sky, often times for hours, looking at the planets and stars. I think I have sometime of “Mothership” in my backyard sky as well….I know its NOT a star! I HAVE seen a “UFO” a few times before, most notably while I was in Sacramento, Ca. I believe and am hyper positive that a few crafts have been reversed engineered and are in active flight around the globe. Ü can think and believe otherwise, but they MUST have a grand reason for sending probes, cameras, satellites, unmanned/manned missions to distant planets, etc.

The biggest factor of all is that we have not been told what is “real”. Our reality has been defined based on the perceptions of those that are “in power”. Even though I have become privy in certain lines of thinking and information, I can only speculate about what is truly going on behind closed doors. One thing that I DO know, there are people who wish to see us ALL dead. We are living in “The Last Days” that are spoken of in that book about that one guy. There ARE people who KNOW what is going on!

Don’t be a sheep…
Don’t count sheep either!



Afrika Bambaataa & Hip Hop Homosexuality

I have been following the story of Africa Bambaataa, allegedly, molesting young men in the 70’s, since it was broken by Troi Torian about 3 weeks ago. This is shocking on a few different levels for me, mainly because I wanted to become a member of The Zulu Nation less than 3 years ago. Depending on who Ü ask, this is also shocking on a cultural level (if Ü consider Hip Hop a culture) based on the implications that there are those in the early beginnings of the Hip Hop Movement that were aware of child molestation and homosexual acts, yet choose to hid those things from the public.

The Zulu Nation has come out and stated that Afrika Bambaataa has not been the leader of the Zulus since around the mid 90’s. The Nation has removed themselves away from this situation as to not mix the intents of The Nation & Bambaatta. In so many words, it has come to light that Bambaatta is homosexual and has not (as of this writing) come out to the public. The biggest factor to all of this is the child molestation accusations. To those that had ANY knowledge of that at ANY time, they should be held accountable for their part.

This whole situation begs me to ask the question:

Who else???

Not to speculate more that what can be easily found through a Google Search, who else is doing things in the dark that they do not wish to come to light? Who else is living a false and fabricated lifestyle based on a grand illusion for the masses?

But does that even matter?

I mean, R. Kelly pissed on an underage girl and video tapped it and he still can sell out a stadium full of women. I guess it depends on how much Ü are liked? People will glance over things they don’t like and see only what tickles their minds eye. But at some point shot needs to STOP and people need to be held accountable for their actions.

Ill be watching to see how this story unfolds and deeper…




Day to Day

Things used to be so perfect in my world of naivety! Even when I was doing things wrong it was still right! There is no greater feeling than doing what it is that Ü want to do!

Maybe sex…

But waking up in the morning and KNOWING how the day will end is such a marvelous feeling that I don’t believe enough people have the chance to experience in their lifetime. And those that do? They are too far in age to truly appreciate the gift that is Life!

The goal has been for me to put myself and those around me in a position to do such a thing. That has ALWAYS been my goal and purpose, even when I did not know it. Now that I know, I have this uphill battle to get to where I feel things should be.

Is it wrong that I feel this way?


Things On My Mind

To be perfectly honest…

The thoughts that have been on my mental lately can be best described as chaotic. The most important thing I have going for me is a strong woman who is willing to put up with my shyt! I have my ups and downs, but the main thing is that the goals and focus’ are not lost during this trying time.

My cousin once told me  a long while ago that we can go through a “hiatus” only to come back stronger on the end. I don’t want to fall on the end being “not up to par” as I once was. There is also the spirt of competition…I honestly am not in the position to take a loss like I was…I WON’T allow anyone or anything stop me thing next time I rise.

With all these thoughts on my mind and in the air surrounding me, I wonder if it would be wise to take a plunge into the unknown. The part of me that has been repressed for quite sometime. I have not been able to spread my wings out of fear they will be clipped! This is a REAL fear that I have embedded within my mental.

My saving grace is that I can peak without showing face…even that too shall come to a halt shortly. I have…truly…no choice in the matter! I want things to be SO perfect!!!! But yeah…we all know how good perfect turns out to be. So, I have to plunge into a situation that I am NOT all too familiar and/or comfortable with. I have given myself a timeline of the end of the month…

Even before then…

I want to start doing something that will give more purpose to what I have done in the past. Im just not sure where to start with that…


Flint First, Your City Next!


The video above is just a brief overview of the current crisis in Flint, Michigan. My heart goes out to those people who have to walk miles to get a few gallons of water for the day, each and every day. My soul screams for those that have had to drink this shyt for FAR too long. There is just SO much wrong with this situation on SO many different levels.

If Ü have been following this story for any amount of time, the main focal point is that this is happening to poor people in Michigan, which the rich folks are drinking filtered glacier water. Since this has been happening for the past TWO YEARS, it should be noted that Lead Poisoning is TRAGIC! Every since our daughter came into the world, we have had all types of test n shyt about protecting this child…the lead test is one of them. We had leaded paint in this old ass early 1900 house. However, that is NOWHERE as bas as drinking leaded water.

I just wanted to write this so that those in my personal reach of influence would could get my take on what is going to be one of Americas grandest tragedies of this decade. I will be pledging some type of assistance to the cause. Not just because I am from Michigan and feel I need to help my soil land fam bam, more so because this could be happening where I live and I would pray that someone would be able to do the same.



The State of Confusion

So many things happening right now…

It all started on Myspace, believe it or not. I remember it was, of all people, rapper Xzibit that got me to start blogging. I used to read his blog and KNEW that I could do the same thing…and I did. By the end of my Myspace days I had a GRAND following. I used to post twice a month on the 1st and the 15th. The blog on the 1st was about what I was going through at that moment in Life. The blog on the 15th was about what I was going through Musically. I held NOTHING back and kept my writings as raw as they came to me.

And then I forgot my password…

I have had a few different blogs since, but it was hard to integrate those sites with the other site I was using. Myspace was like THEE all purpose site! I didn’t stop writing though, I wrote like two different books in my internet hiatus. But once I found WordPress, I started to feel comfortable sharing my thoughts with myself on the internet again. Even though it has been sporadic, I have tried to maintain somewhat of a consistent posting rate. But I have said it in past writings that I have been holding a LOT of things back out of a…fear (?) of putting those things on the inter webs.

So I don’t know when to post anymore, basically…

It seems like Im all over the place these days. Life imitates art or art imitates life? I have been cleaning up my personal life lately though. It has brought a LOT more clarity than I have felt in a long time. Once I feel that I have gotten to a point that I can see clearly, I become clouded and diluted in one way or another. One thing that I know I want to do is be more consistent with these posts. I intend to do so over the next few weeks. I have actually given my self a goal and plan to work towards. Sharing what I plan on doing is key to actualizing it. Over the course of these next few weeks, I will be detailing parts of what I plan on doing. This post is the beginning of this plan! I will make it a point to return to the place I started. I will return to posting on the 1st and 15th. I WILL make those two dates work!

As for the rest of the days in-between?


I’ll let Ü know when I figure that out!


The Troubles of The Mind

The world around us all is a product of thought. I truly believe that this “thought” is what keeps us in the condition that we are in. I also believe that there is a force, or power, that is causing us to behave in a certain manner that is inverse to our normal behavior. With those few words being said, there is much we have do do and learn in order for us to have control over our own thoughts.

I might have have said this in a blog before but it is a constant in the back of my mind. While I was on Twitter a few years ago, I remember engaging with a cat that tweeted:

“How much of your day is conscious on your part?”

Basically, how much of your day is based on the actions that YOU wanted to make?

Did Ü WANT to go to work or do Ü NEED to go?
Why are Ü on your phone again?
Has everything Ü set out to accomplish for today been done?
What has been distracting Ü?

These are a few things that I usually think about during the course of a 24 hour period. I have become sickened at some of my actions at times. I honestly wish I were able to do other things and replace my time with that which will fulfill my inert desires. But I can’t stay the fuck off Youtube watching these documentaries and lectures and things of the sort. I would like to do something else, I can feel the strain of looking at a screen constantly. There have been a few times I have looked up from my phone and wondered why the outside was so vivid! Sad I know…

I said these things to bring to light this, without making determined and conscious choices of our own, someone or something will take advantage of that. There are those out here that will truly live off our tears. They would love to purposely piss in our stream of positivity. Don’t let people get away with doing such things toward your essence. It is definitely a challenge! But try…

Ü owe that to yourself.



Keeping Up With The Internet

I used to have a Myspace!!! That was my spot man…
That is honestly where I started writing my blog!
Im glad I copied all of em before they changed it.
I lost my password and Facebook consumed my soul…

Youtube’d a lil bit but didn’t have a camera so that was that.
I wrote poetry for a while on Facebook before it became a liability
Had to eventually delete those because they got kinda popular!
I wigged out that I never copyrighted them!!!

Then came the #TwitShyt!!!
Which is my favorite platform on the social inter webs.
I say how I feel & don’t delete NOTHING!
Ü should follow me!!!

And then came the Insta, reddit, pin-thing, fours4, this thing and the next to the point that I just want to start coloring in a book with crayons. It can’t be this serious?

Somethings don’t ever change.
Im still writing this blog right?
But Id rather be a river than a stream of piss
I gotta start writing more on paper…