nuknoe

Living Life & Loving It

Category: Those Moments In Life

Autumns Eve #SummerOfKings

I always feel as if I haven’t done enough during whatever time period I place upon myself. I guess that comes with being a perfectionist. I just feel it causes even more of a strain, for me, when that goal (or desired result) is not reached. A lot of people “shoot for the moon to be with the stars!” and all that bullshyt…

I be tryna shoot for Sirius and be pissed when I land on Mars.

I might have done something not many have done and be pissed because it is not what I expected…not how I envisioned and a lot of other discriptive verbs I could use to paint a picture with no colors.

Either way, I aint dead yet, so I got that going for me…

NÜK



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The Stolen Laptop*

So about this stolen laptop…

This is a VERY long story with all its intricacies but I’ll try to stick with the FACTS! When we moved to Texas back in Spring 20-18, I took a few temp jobs before I took the job I stole this computer from. During the interview, Dude (his name in the story) all but convinced me to “join the team” and make thousands of dollars a WEEK! All I needed was the drive and a laptop computer. I had a laptop computer! But it was…cosmetically challenged…so Dude loaned me this Lenovo!

“Once Ü start making money, just buy a new computer and give me this one back.” – Dude

Fast forward like, 2 months. I haven’t made any money and they have fired Dude! A supremely hostile office takeover that left the “team” at each others paychecks!!! It’s crazy how money can make humans turn cannibalistic. The “making money” Dude spoke about was oh so real! Almost $100,000 in checks were passed out the first payday I was in the office. Every Monday after was almost similar, but they fired Dude soon after I started, demoted my trainer, rewrote MY business, and showed very little concern for my wife almost losing her life…

With Dude out the office and state (I helped him pack up his house for $100), me broke & almost a single father…I took Lenny Lenovo and left. Funny thing is, Lenny is actually a stolen computer. Dude had loaned “a white laptop” to a past employee who actually made money with the company. Then he went missing. Long story short, he was in jail for selling Meth and sold the white computer. Dude (who didn’t know all that at the time) sent him some money to send the computer back to him. When it finally arrived, months later, it was Lenny.

Lenny is completely different white computer Meth man (no relation) sent back to Dude. Dude lent Lenny Lenovo to me to make money and that is what I am going to do!

NÜK

*I wrote this story 2 other times that did not post. #Pissed

Computerlessness

At this point, I have been without MY computer for two months shy of a year. Never thought I would be as dependent on it as I am. It kinda sucks not being able to access the thousands of pictures I’ve taken or hundreds of songs I’ve recorded (mine & others). Not being able to record new music whenever I feel like it has been depressing in many different ways. I have not “made a beat” in what seems to be eons. i was working on video production & eventually making a smooth transition into making short mini movies (I don’t even watch movies though).  It’s sad…I feel like I was accomplishing something…

Good thing I stole this laptop! I would be have the hardest of times trying to communicate these thoughts to Ü!

NÜK

Daily

I promise…for me, it’s harder to get started AND THEN continue (consistency) than just getting started. Lost it all after tryna watch that fight on Saturday…which didn’t even happen! I just wanted to see Broner get his ass beat, but this computer that I kinda stole from my last gig is barely good enough for what I’m doing with it…shouldn’t have tried to watch that fight for free on a Chromebook…

*smh*

NÜK

First and Foremost

I feel it is of upmost importance that I continue, and maintain, to write my blog on the 1st & 15th. I owe it to people (and myself) on SO many levels. Check here to catch up.

Rest In Peace Minnie Bell Lewis…

Ill never have a relationship with another person like her! My dads mom was THEE illest woman besides my mother that I have ever met. I couldn’t begin to tell y’all stories about how she was displeased with how disgusting & not funny Bill Cosby was when she went to go see him. This was before she heard about him slipping them woman them drugs. She will be missed and NEVER forgotten. Her wake is November 4th…most deffinately can’t wait to exchange condolences with my family this weekend.

Got married last month!!! Love my Wife and the Life we are building! four children and a house. I think we doing alright with our lives on the path to more than what we have! Most important of all, we got each other…and that’s we never had before…so that’s a beautiful thing! The plan is to reinvent our lives within the next 6-9 months. You can watch some of it unfold on the ÜTubes. Speaking of….

That 30 videos in 30 days thing I did a while back, yeah, that didn’t happen! But I will be attempting to do that again. Plus I got an updated phone so I can be like that cool people and post on the instagrams n shyt more often than I give a fuck about. I think. But yeah, I guess that does matter on a few levels. I figure it was worth mentioning on some level, for some reason…I kinda wanna be like Prince and don’t even have a cell phone. But that’s another post for another day.

And I’ve been thinking about have I would go about posting in-between the 1st & 15. So what I will be doing, I’ll just post either a series or a random thought…kinda like how I’ve been doing but with a bit more structure. I got a few thing I want to delve into in the coming weeks, but for now I think I’ll be ending this rant because I need sleep…

I really do…

Thanks for getting down to this point!

NÜK

“”Don’t forget about your granmas love!

White Rose

G’z Don’t Dance

This song has a few different elements to it that make it special in a certain way…to me. So first, this was the FIRST time I worked with That Kid Beaze after well over 5 years. I actually was someone who lightweight mentored him in “beat making”. He took it to a completely different level and started getting placements with people I wanna work with! My dude is dope! Haven’t heard from him in a while though…

Track 3: G’z Don’t Dance

I had the BRILLIANT idea to make a song for the club, a dance track if Ü will. The only issue that could come from that? I don’t like the club or dancing…go figure. So, my concept was to take one through how I THOUGHT it was like going through a club. I still don’t think I hit my mark for either one of the ideas I had for this song. It eventually became more of a “shout out” type of song. I low key mentioned “The Cream Team” in the 2nd verse just because I was working on an endeavor with them during the time I was working on the song.

After I met my Queen, she had me make a Soul Train music video for the song…I think it turned out nicely. All and all, this song took me out of my comfort zone for sure! I still believe that it could have been different…better even. Tell me what Ü think! I like the feedback more than anything.

“Ü might buzz from the drink Ü sip/ but the bartender love the way I tip” – G’z Don’t Dance

NÜK

Album_Cover_Back_new_01

The Monster

My youngest daughter had a bad dream one night. I walked in the room while it was happening to turn off a light. Honestly not sure how often it happens, but this was a first for me. After I leave the room, she starts screaming MURDER about a monster! My Queen goes to get her…

I lightweight tried to comfort her, but she was too shaken and terrified to be bothered. It was a bad feeling fareal. Confusion on all ends. Told her that I “threw the monster in the trash”, which kinda worked a lil bit. I think she slept with us that night (I need a bigger bed). Flash forward to the next evening as dinner is being prepared. Its funny, but:

My daughter screams: “NOOOOOOO!!!! The monster!!!”
Me: “What’s wrong little girl?”
Her running out the kitchen: “The monster is in the kitchen! It scare me!”

*She jumps on the couch head first into the pillows screaming*

Me, confused: “But you’ve been in the kitchen all this time?”
Her: “NOOOOOOOOooOOoOOooOO!!!!”

*She goes back into the kitchen, comes back to me and cries*

“The monster daddy! It scare me!”

SO, I’m getting off the couch, with my daugther behind me, to investigate the monster that has been messing with her these last 24 hours and…I actually SEE it! SHe start to bawl and scream, while poniting on the kicthen table. “The Mosnter Daddy!!!”, as we breach the threshhold. Then I behold, the gorgeously seasoned, uncooked chicken carcass in the roasting pan.

My daughter is hysterical at this moment. So I say, while putting the cover on the pan, what I believe any other father would in this moment:

“Daddy is gonna have Mommy get rid of it! Let’s get out the kitchen…”

SHe eventually went to bed early, shaken by the whole experience I presume. Everything has been fine lately. BUt the message I stress the most? Watch what your child views on the internet. Youtube is fucking crazy!

NUK

How It Was/How It Is

Growing up happens so fast Ü barely get the chance to enjoy it. I can remember back when I was like 4 years old, thats when I can start to recall certain life altering memories. I remember living in Fairfax, Virginia and I slightly remember seeing the Washington Monument flash a red light at night. I can do believe I got transported in a blanket to Michigan and stayed with my grandma before my sister was born.

If I stick with States instead of Cities, I can make this post a bit short. It went New York in the second grade, Florida for the 3rd, back to Michigan for the 4th & 5th. 6th & 7th grade split between Michigan & Pennsylvania. I was 16 in the 9th grade when I was shipped to Tennessee and dropped out when I was 17 when I moved back to Michigan. I  got my GED at 18 after I dropped out and began driving semi trucks at shortly after my 21st year walking the Earth.

They grow up fast don’t they?

So now that I have a seed of my own, I want to make sure the life I lead is STRICTLY the life that EYE once had. Although that life has shaped me into this AWESÜM ass mothafucka typing on this keyboard, I don’t want to “my past” to have a shaping effect on my present. I truly do not feel that is an issue, but there are a few sharp edges that I need to smooth over. Everybody got them little things that don’t make them 100%! But if Im at a 63%, I don’t wish to make that apex. There is still so many things I would like to do for myself before I can do for others the way I soulfully intend.

Things are moving the way I feel they should! Can’t keep my guard down though…there are somethings that can happen that will make make everuhings move I am striving for irrelevant. Truly, I am currently preparing for the inevitable. I can’t really tell Ü what that may be, but I do know skills are way better than a hand full of dollars. I have came a long way from where I used to be! I am sure that YOU have as well! Continued blessings and clarity!!!

NÜK

The Mask

I have been evaluating my life for the past few months, gathering my thoughts and whatnot. One of the many things that have popped into my mental a few times was a conversation I had with a cousin a few years ago. She talked about how she feels that she has to put on a mask in order to be around certain people…or something to that effect…

My current feelings towards our conversation are a bit more mature. I have had the time to go through some truly “Adult” shyt! I have noticed that in the last 5 years, I have acquired many different “titles/labels” that I never conceptualized that I would. In the same breath, I have picked up a mask that goes along with each position that must be played. I have NEVER had the problem of picking the right mask for the occasion, but lately, I have been feeling like I don’t even know what my face looks like anymore.

What I have begun to realize lately is that I have stretched myself entirely too thin! It is tiring trying switching masks to accommodate  the different people that I tend to run into daily. I pretty sure they do not notice when I change, but I still try not to draw attention either way. It is just becoming tiresome…changing for the many people…

Then I start to think about it a little deeper:

What if the people I interact with are wearing a mask for similar or even different reasons than me? Are my actions toward certain people based merely off of a  reaction they have come to expect from “people of the world”? Am I causing people to approach me with a mask that they have customized for me? Do I NEED so many different masks…could I use just one? Does a mask even need to be used at all?

NÜK

behind_the_mask_by_blixxa73-d6lohoh

 

 

The Anger

I got anger issues…to the FULLEST!!!

Now…

Knowing that type of information , I tend to keep myself out of situations that would invoke or provoke that particular tendency. Like I have said before, I to “Flashback” on my life. so I can recall certain times when I have…did some things…in a “fit of rage”, more than a few times. But like, thats not a good thing!

I have been making sure that I, not only curb those urges, but also channel my energies into something more positive. I honestly do a grand job at that channeling thing! But truth be told, I have a LOT of pent up rage and frustration that I haven’t been able to express lately.

I found myself taking a short-long walk today. I ended up back at my house but unable to go inside. I didn’t want to lash out ALL of my fury based on something trivial and juvenile. I actually found myself sitting don’t longer than the walk. I got a few thoughts out into the universe directly and now…

I just needed to vent…

Thank Ü for leading me your eyes for a minute!

NÜK