nuknoe

Living Life & Loving It

Category: Those Moments In Life

G’z Don’t Dance

This song has a few different elements to it that make it special in a certain way…to me. So first, this was the FIRST time I worked with That Kid Beaze after well over 5 years. I actually was someone who lightweight mentored him in “beat making”. He took it to a completely different level and started getting placements with people I wanna work with! My dude is dope! Haven’t heard from him in a while though…

Track 3: G’z Don’t Dance

I had the BRILLIANT idea to make a song for the club, a dance track if Ü will. The only issue that could come from that? I don’t like the club or dancing…go figure. So, my concept was to take one through how I THOUGHT it was like going through a club. I still don’t think I hit my mark for either one of the ideas I had for this song. It eventually became more of a “shout out” type of song. I low key mentioned “The Cream Team” in the 2nd verse just because I was working on an endeavor with them during the time I was working on the song.

After I met my Queen, she had me make a Soul Train music video for the song…I think it turned out nicely. All and all, this song took me out of my comfort zone for sure! I still believe that it could have been different…better even. Tell me what Ü think! I like the feedback more than anything.

“Ü might buzz from the drink Ü sip/ but the bartender love the way I tip” – G’z Don’t Dance

NÜK

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The Monster

My youngest daughter had a bad dream one night. I walked in the room while it was happening to turn off a light. Honestly not sure how often it happens, but this was a first for me. After I leave the room, she starts screaming MURDER about a monster! My Queen goes to get her…

I lightweight tried to comfort her, but she was too shaken and terrified to be bothered. It was a bad feeling fareal. Confusion on all ends. Told her that I “threw the monster in the trash”, which kinda worked a lil bit. I think she slept with us that night (I need a bigger bed). Flash forward to the next evening as dinner is being prepared. Its funny, but:

My daughter screams: “NOOOOOOO!!!! The monster!!!”
Me: “What’s wrong little girl?”
Her running out the kitchen: “The monster is in the kitchen! It scare me!”

*She jumps on the couch head first into the pillows screaming*

Me, confused: “But you’ve been in the kitchen all this time?”
Her: “NOOOOOOOOooOOoOOooOO!!!!”

*She goes back into the kitchen, comes back to me and cries*

“The monster daddy! It scare me!”

SO, I’m getting off the couch, with my daugther behind me, to investigate the monster that has been messing with her these last 24 hours and…I actually SEE it! SHe start to bawl and scream, while poniting on the kicthen table. “The Mosnter Daddy!!!”, as we breach the threshhold. Then I behold, the gorgeously seasoned, uncooked chicken carcass in the roasting pan.

My daughter is hysterical at this moment. So I say, while putting the cover on the pan, what I believe any other father would in this moment:

“Daddy is gonna have Mommy get rid of it! Let’s get out the kitchen…”

SHe eventually went to bed early, shaken by the whole experience I presume. Everything has been fine lately. BUt the message I stress the most? Watch what your child views on the internet. Youtube is fucking crazy!

NUK

How It Was/How It Is

Growing up happens so fast Ü barely get the chance to enjoy it. I can remember back when I was like 4 years old, thats when I can start to recall certain life altering memories. I remember living in Fairfax, Virginia and I slightly remember seeing the Washington Monument flash a red light at night. I can do believe I got transported in a blanket to Michigan and stayed with my grandma before my sister was born.

If I stick with States instead of Cities, I can make this post a bit short. It went New York in the second grade, Florida for the 3rd, back to Michigan for the 4th & 5th. 6th & 7th grade split between Michigan & Pennsylvania. I was 16 in the 9th grade when I was shipped to Tennessee and dropped out when I was 17 when I moved back to Michigan. I  got my GED at 18 after I dropped out and began driving semi trucks at shortly after my 21st year walking the Earth.

They grow up fast don’t they?

So now that I have a seed of my own, I want to make sure the life I lead is STRICTLY the life that EYE once had. Although that life has shaped me into this AWESÜM ass mothafucka typing on this keyboard, I don’t want to “my past” to have a shaping effect on my present. I truly do not feel that is an issue, but there are a few sharp edges that I need to smooth over. Everybody got them little things that don’t make them 100%! But if Im at a 63%, I don’t wish to make that apex. There is still so many things I would like to do for myself before I can do for others the way I soulfully intend.

Things are moving the way I feel they should! Can’t keep my guard down though…there are somethings that can happen that will make make everuhings move I am striving for irrelevant. Truly, I am currently preparing for the inevitable. I can’t really tell Ü what that may be, but I do know skills are way better than a hand full of dollars. I have came a long way from where I used to be! I am sure that YOU have as well! Continued blessings and clarity!!!

NÜK

The Mask

I have been evaluating my life for the past few months, gathering my thoughts and whatnot. One of the many things that have popped into my mental a few times was a conversation I had with a cousin a few years ago. She talked about how she feels that she has to put on a mask in order to be around certain people…or something to that effect…

My current feelings towards our conversation are a bit more mature. I have had the time to go through some truly “Adult” shyt! I have noticed that in the last 5 years, I have acquired many different “titles/labels” that I never conceptualized that I would. In the same breath, I have picked up a mask that goes along with each position that must be played. I have NEVER had the problem of picking the right mask for the occasion, but lately, I have been feeling like I don’t even know what my face looks like anymore.

What I have begun to realize lately is that I have stretched myself entirely too thin! It is tiring trying switching masks to accommodate  the different people that I tend to run into daily. I pretty sure they do not notice when I change, but I still try not to draw attention either way. It is just becoming tiresome…changing for the many people…

Then I start to think about it a little deeper:

What if the people I interact with are wearing a mask for similar or even different reasons than me? Are my actions toward certain people based merely off of a  reaction they have come to expect from “people of the world”? Am I causing people to approach me with a mask that they have customized for me? Do I NEED so many different masks…could I use just one? Does a mask even need to be used at all?

NÜK

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The Anger

I got anger issues…to the FULLEST!!!

Now…

Knowing that type of information , I tend to keep myself out of situations that would invoke or provoke that particular tendency. Like I have said before, I to “Flashback” on my life. so I can recall certain times when I have…did some things…in a “fit of rage”, more than a few times. But like, thats not a good thing!

I have been making sure that I, not only curb those urges, but also channel my energies into something more positive. I honestly do a grand job at that channeling thing! But truth be told, I have a LOT of pent up rage and frustration that I haven’t been able to express lately.

I found myself taking a short-long walk today. I ended up back at my house but unable to go inside. I didn’t want to lash out ALL of my fury based on something trivial and juvenile. I actually found myself sitting don’t longer than the walk. I got a few thoughts out into the universe directly and now…

I just needed to vent…

Thank Ü for leading me your eyes for a minute!

NÜK

The Way I’ve Been Feeling Lately

Depression is a disease that can occur based on many different levels of mental struggle.

Back in April of this year (’15), I had my entire Summer planned into the Fall. I foreseen a VERY eventful four month run of musical misadventure! I planned things that were going to catapult my music career to the next level that I have bleed & cried for over MANY years! And then…

disappointment…

I almost cried in those 24 hours.

I lost a grip of something inside my skin…

Not because I didn’t get to share the stage with a Legend in my industry, but more so because I let myself succumb to the  failure of letting myself down. The saying “Never put all your eggs in one basket” is SO true! I experienced what that means on multiple occasions during my time “trying to make it”. But this time…was different…

Since June 27th, I have lost two members of my family. I was able to attend only one funeral. I can not even begin to explain how much that pains me. Especially since I saw and spoke to one at the last funeral I attended. I truly understand how ones presence can be needed in times of upmost distress. It sucks being SO close and still far away.

Moving forward, I can only begin to rebuild the mainframe I was in, before I placed my mental where I stand currently. As of todays date, I am still at a loss for certain words. Coming to grips with the reality that others are facing. In the same breath, readjusting to the reality that I truly desire is what will bring me to the sunshine I once warmly felt!

But alas…

It’s always cloudy in Pittsburgh, PA…

NÜK

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Black Mystery #MYStoryVersesHIS

I have been trying to stay off Facebook as much as possible lately.
I truly can’t figure out why EYE would need to be on it constantly anymore…

Logging on today, Facebook wanted to know my “Legal Name” for “Verification Purposes”. I slightly declined & forcibly renamed myself. Now that I went from “Ben Duin Dis” to “Ben Dis”, my feelings for the platform are no longer the same. I went through my Timeline like the zombie that I have become, only to be reminded of TWO things: The Super Bowl & Black History Month.

Seeing as to how I once was “Duin Dis” and am now “Dis”, it has become VISUALLY apparent what I have been “Duin” and what I am currently. I have came a LONG way from being a “legal name”. I have denounced my legal name a LONG time ago!!! Ill write a blog about that one day (maybe…). I have not liked my “Government Name’ for well over a decade. It took me around 25 years of my life to define WHO I AM for MYSELF! Once I came to terms with what it is EYE stand for and represent as an individual walking this Earth, I began to shape the world around me based on that.

After YEARS of research ( I can’t believe I am now able to say that line ), I have came to a point where my line of thinking is conflicting with my immediate surrounding. I say that and mean it on every conceivable level it could mean. I am SO uncomfortable with my surrounding that I am forced to either physically change them or remove them altogether. Which brings me back to the Super Bowl…

i won’t watch that thing even if it came with a free meal! I can get NOTHING out of that power struggle. My power struggle is on my home front, not on TV. I understand that my power struggle is deeper than a 3 hour game. The thing most don’t understand is how distracted from the bigger picture we have grown to be. And to take that a step further, we has grown away from ourselves in the process of the distraction. This has pulled us away from our storyline of life and has us coasting downhill into whatever that is at the bottom.

Its like…

Once the GAME is over, the FANS will watch Baseball, but the PLAYERS must train for the next one.
Its just a dayum shame how many will show up for the practice…

NÜK

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So I Was Like…

I need to get my life right!!!

Setting grand habits is a difficult task! Even when there is a goal at the end of the tunnel worth all of your stresses and turmoils, going into it may be the hardest thing we could ever do! I am currently experiencing such a mental relapse. It sucks because I am usually this person who has that “focus” and “drive” and “ambition” that people speak of so casually. But the bottom line, if EYE do not feel that is what I AM…there is a problem in Houston! Or in another city…

Whatever.

The point I am trying to get through with THIS post???

I need to stop acting like I am NOT as GRAND of an individual that I AM!!! And I feel that there are people that will read this post who need that SAME message and reassurance!!! The sad thing of all this??? I do not take the time to BE what I could become. This is something I will be working on as soon as possible!!!

This is not some type of fluff or self help shyt I read in a book. I truly feel that the possibilities of changing a persons life ( even my own ) can be accomplished by me cataloging my very own movements around this planet. I have “Ben Duin” that already, kinda…but I want to take it to the NEXT level!!!

Like how when Ü first played Mario Bros. and went down the green pipe???
I want to be on some next level shyt with my approach in MY life!!!

I am sure the help that I need will come to me when it is needed…

NÜK

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I’m Being Watched #ConspiracyFact

Beyond the Internets and mobile devices that we all carry, there lives a being that we lost sight of long ago. Even as I sit and write this prose, I am very well aware that I don’t see this being anymore. Like a gentle tug, I can sometimes feel a mental nudge pushing me in a forward direction. But once I start moving, I am slung backwards by the one thing I have trouble controlling.

The cell phone cameras, the webcams, the photo shoots, the poses, the phone smiles…all caught in the moment. Even videos have started to play a part in this “Life” as we have come to know it. More people spend time practicing for pictures than anything of grand use. Selfish is a selfie world. And even then, people are still blind…

I have found myself in an interesting situation lately. I have been is a self confinement for SO long, that I can now witness my flaws in REAL TIME. In an instant, I can see the effect and affect that the littlest (or so I thought) of movements can frighten people. My rough demeanor has become more than a shell, it has become an armor of some sort. My every action makes the loudest of noises.

And then, I have yet to speak!

Somewhere in the bible there is something about the tongue being a double-edged sword. I have the tendency to throw daggers when I speak…hard, harsh, straight to the point! My tact is NOT of the best caliber. I have been finding it difficult to explain my thoughts in a logic that is free from the “self confinement” it has been under for so long. It is like turning a rock into a diamond. I will get there with enough polish! And eventually I will be able to see what other people see in me. The good, the bad, and the fucked up.

NÜK

Same Day; Different Shit. #SDDS

I remember waking up and write a new poem everyday for a month straight! I might take a break for a week or so, but then I would write about 7 – 30 more poems. I had a nice momentum for a minute! And then it all kinda stopped

Flash forward about 7 or 8 years and I am almost where I once was…
Those days of the past will NEVER be what they were.
Im cool with that though!

The last 7 years in Pittsburgh, PA  have molded me into The Young Man that stands before Ü today. I am still not a fan of the Steelers, but i respect the way the city unifies behind their squads. That type of unity is NOT seen often. In a way, it is inspiring…kinda…

But it is getting repetitive!

Beginning the day exactly the way it was the day before is what has been happening lately for me…
I have taken heed of this and will be making the adjustments needed.
Trying to do something a lil different!

NÜK