nuknoe

Living Life & Loving It

Month: October, 2015

It Comes and Goes

Here I sit…

Tis’ the date of your birth! Thirty years ago I was cursed into this blessing of a world…
I have had a rollercoaster ride of stories and memories that have crafted and molded this individual writing these words. The moments that were experienced are nothing compared to what I have envisioned for myself and those closet around me.

I’m getting drunk tonight…

It’s not like this day has not been on the horizon for some time, but I didn’t plan for this either. I stopped doing that when Ü turned “21”. But I will say that I have set high expectations for myself since last August. I am NOT where I want to be, much like yourself, but I am also not a quitter.

*sips the cognac*

My reality will be changing soon…

Looking back at ALL of my actions over the last 8 years, I have made a LOT of selfish decisions. And I would do it again in a heartbeat! Fuck you if Ü feel or think otherwise. You have NOT lived these moments. But I will say that I have fucked up a LOT as well. I will be making sure that my fuck ups were not in vain, but I am SO tired of what I have built for myself. It is an even more somber thought that I have brought another life into this situation I have created.

All in all, I am grand…

Even if it doesn’t seem that way. It is all just a waiting period. It comes and goes though…
The best way I could describe it is like the sway of a pendulum. There are two Highs and one Low. The low happens quick! So quick that some people barely even notice it. After the low point comes one of the highs, an apex and then a fall…

I got distracted and thought about my sign. Being born on the cusp and whatnot. The irony of it all. And then watching my one year old daughter dance to reggae is the icing on the cake.

Just like that.

Happy Born Date Young Sir!

Salute

T. L. Lewis

Scales 2

The Way I’ve Been Feeling Lately

Depression is a disease that can occur based on many different levels of mental struggle.

Back in April of this year (’15), I had my entire Summer planned into the Fall. I foreseen a VERY eventful four month run of musical misadventure! I planned things that were going to catapult my music career to the next level that I have bleed & cried for over MANY years! And then…

disappointment…

I almost cried in those 24 hours.

I lost a grip of something inside my skin…

Not because I didn’t get to share the stage with a Legend in my industry, but more so because I let myself succumb to the  failure of letting myself down. The saying “Never put all your eggs in one basket” is SO true! I experienced what that means on multiple occasions during my time “trying to make it”. But this time…was different…

Since June 27th, I have lost two members of my family. I was able to attend only one funeral. I can not even begin to explain how much that pains me. Especially since I saw and spoke to one at the last funeral I attended. I truly understand how ones presence can be needed in times of upmost distress. It sucks being SO close and still far away.

Moving forward, I can only begin to rebuild the mainframe I was in, before I placed my mental where I stand currently. As of todays date, I am still at a loss for certain words. Coming to grips with the reality that others are facing. In the same breath, readjusting to the reality that I truly desire is what will bring me to the sunshine I once warmly felt!

But alas…

It’s always cloudy in Pittsburgh, PA…

NÜK

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