Living Life & Loving It

Month: January, 2015

That 1st Step #Fear

*deep sigh*

There is MUCH internal struggle in EVERYTHING that I do!!!
That INTERNAL struggle often spills OUTWARD during times of grand stress.
I have been noticing my reactions to my surroundings quite more over the last few years.
Being aware of SELF during times when others are not have put me in a BAD place at times.
KNOWING those things, I know where majority of my hesitations have came from…

Research, experiences, trials and errors have brought me to the point the we all call PRESENT.
REFLECTING on those moments in memory have helped craft a path through the clouds of the past.
At the weakest of moments, there have been times that I KNEW I had things under control!
And those were the times that I couldn’t have been more wrong…

Being wrong at that level, with such high RISKS, is a thrill that is indescribable!!!
Its like falling from Space through the atmosphere and landing into a bottomless sinkhole of Cool Whip.
If Ü happen to manage burning the fuck up through the air, Ü still won’t be able to enjoy the taste of success…

Reaching out to answer the door when opportunity knocks
And believing the door is locked from the outside…




Dream King #EmotionalRoots

My cousin was like: “Come down to Memphis, TN for a LIVE video interview on me and Cletus’ radio show!”
I was like: “Okay!!!”

So I left work in Monroeville, PA with my brother DezONEi and drove to Raleigh/Durham, NC. It is one of the beautifulest cities I have been to. I love that place!!! I’ll write a blog about my experiences there one day. So after we left North Carolina, we get to Memphis and I do the show. The moment was GRAND!!! They gave me mad love, played “I’m Gon’ Get Chu!!!” like three times, I got a few callers from across the country, this chick named “Vivacious” had some BIG tiddies, Cletus & Ja’naye interviewed this other cat who was telling the people listening to “STAY AWAY FROM POLICE!”, I spit a verse about some deep shyt & then they asked me what else I was gonna do while I was in Memphis.

I told them I was going to the Lorraine Motel.

I never knew the place where Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinate was turned into a “Cilvil Rights Museum”. As we walked through the exhibits of Slavery in America (1619–1861), Student Sit-Ins (1960’s), Montgomery Bus Boycott (1955–1956), the Jim Crow era (1877 and the mid-1960s) and even seen a replica of MLK jr.’s prison cell. The tour ends with a glimpse of the hotel room where King slept. When Ü look at the spot he was murdered at, it gives off a weird energy.

We left the building and into the gift shop where I purchased a gum band that lost all its moisture, dried up & cracked after wearing it. i also purchased something else for a friend who had never gotten the chance to visit the hotel. One of the most memorable parts of the experience was neither the interview, the museum or even North Carolina! I got most of my kicks hanging with my people who I haven’t seen in years! But then being informed that people who have lived their entire life in the city of Memphis who have NEVER been to the Lorraine Motel…that kinda threw me off…

As I write this blog, I can remember where I was at in my life during those times. I also can remember how I felt doing what I love to do. But nothing lasts forever. Nothing has a place in eternity but change. Change is the constant that keeps everything in confusion. The chaos of change WILL bring clarity in hindsight, even if it presently brings calamity. I guess, in self reflection, Dr. King & Malcolm X’s dead bodies were a sign of a change to come? Or perhaps they were just older versions of the bodies slain today? Either way, the way things come together is not a matter of choosing for us. I know from life experiences that dreams do come true! They just might not be in the form we would expect.


MLK Memorial

Dream Seller #PersonalityTraits

Wisdom within wickedly written wordplay.

Who would have honestly began to imagine that the power to mold a person begins with the words spoken to them. I can understand how the “rush of the moment” has a tendency to mesh misplaced emotions with mismatched phrases. Even between the emotional wear and tear, there is very little positive reinforcement to replace or reassure perpetual emotional  growth. Despite dark days during dramatic theatrics, the difference is present ever so clearly.

Without wasting precious and calculated energy, one must be able to navigate the mental mind-field and tap the core of pureness within each fiber of the physical body. Making sure each breath has the capacity to uplift is a major challenge, one that must be taken with seriousness. Every thought must be PRE-thought before being actualized or manifested by the mouth. The initial thought is only to put the soul in motion.

Going forward through LIFE…

I must take the time needed to study personal relationship building, along with working on building myself in a proper space that can best accommodate the people that I love. Being more open to the idea of change is something I have always been a fan of! But just being “open” is not enough anymore. I need to take the first step in a 10 mile threshold crossing into change. I only know what I can do for myself during this journey and even so, I have a grand feeling that my actions will resonate as ripples in a pond long after I am gone.



Free Merchandise!!! #FanAppreciation

Last year I opened up for the Ying Yang Twins in Pittsburgh, PA. It was a GRAND SHOW!!! I had one of the best crowd interactions I’ve had in a while! Out of the like, 40 minutes that I was on stage, I performed seven songs. At the end of my song Hoopty, this female asks me for my bandana. I declined politely

I called Chief Cannon on stage for the next song, and THIS happens! Maybe Ü can tell from the video that I was NOT trying to let that bandana go!!! I have my reasonings that I will explain a bit later in this post, but Cannon fought me for that thing!!! I was trying to tell him that I NEEDED it, he did’t care, I let it go, and the show continued for like 3 more songs.

Upon Cannon leaving the stage, he started to interact with the female he gave my bandana to…they took pictures n shyt….danced…mingled…while I continued with the show. After like 10 more minutes on stage with the hot lights and body heat, the sweat began to POUR down my face. So much so that I could NOT see a THING in front of me!

At about the 5 second mark in this video, Ü can see me reaching out with a plea for help! I was in a desperate need! My eyes were on FIRE!!! I literally thought I was gonna cry on stage!!! The pain made me slow down and pace the rest of the song. After the song ended I had to take off my shirt. Not for the sex appeal aspect or to show off my man figure, but to wipe to the liquid salt from my face that had begun eroding my eyelids. Then I began the next and final song…

At the one minute mark in this video, Ü can see Chief Cannon & the female taking pictures and dancing n shyt.

When I touched the dance floor to look for her to give her a CD for her troubles and efforts, she evaporated!!! I never seen her after that and she never came to see me. I reflect on this moment a lot actually. I like to think about all the things that could have been different. What could I have done to make a more effective connection with people who I might evaporate on me again???

Which leads me to the moral of the story:

I need at least TWO sweat rags from now on!!!


If Ü haven’t already, click HERE to sign up for the  NÜKsletter so Ü can some free merch & more!!!!


Bad Memory Lane #NeverForget

I was showing my Queen my “Archive of Ancient Achievements” not to long ago and she almost cussed me out! She was truly tripping off of all the Music, Pictures, Videos and Memorabilia that I have laying around. She calls me a hoarder!!! I don’t believe I am that bad…but its bad…

After a LOT of explaining and convincing, I have agreed to start blogging about my past on Thursdays. I will include with the story the video, picture or song that the “Throwback” will be about. I will give as much detail that I can regarding the situation, place, time/period & the relevant people.

This ideal behind bringing my dark & shrouded past to the light just might help me keep active posts on this blog! I got HELLA stories about MULTIPLE different times in my life where I just so happened to have been in a situation that made me the person I am today. I tend to be a VERY private person as well. These stories will be of a caliber of rawness that Ü might not ever read again in yo LIFE son!!! The visual that will accompany the words will be to give Ü a deeper ( sometimes ) insight behind what I was thinking & what might have been going on at that captured moment.

In my next post, I will explain the thoughts going on in my mental as I was moving through Time & Space while reciting the ghetto gospel given to me from the Heavens all while keeping perfect harmony and rhythm within the moment!!!

*takes a breath*

Brace your self…


So I Was Like…

I need to get my life right!!!

Setting grand habits is a difficult task! Even when there is a goal at the end of the tunnel worth all of your stresses and turmoils, going into it may be the hardest thing we could ever do! I am currently experiencing such a mental relapse. It sucks because I am usually this person who has that “focus” and “drive” and “ambition” that people speak of so casually. But the bottom line, if EYE do not feel that is what I AM…there is a problem in Houston! Or in another city…


The point I am trying to get through with THIS post???

I need to stop acting like I am NOT as GRAND of an individual that I AM!!! And I feel that there are people that will read this post who need that SAME message and reassurance!!! The sad thing of all this??? I do not take the time to BE what I could become. This is something I will be working on as soon as possible!!!

This is not some type of fluff or self help shyt I read in a book. I truly feel that the possibilities of changing a persons life ( even my own ) can be accomplished by me cataloging my very own movements around this planet. I have “Ben Duin” that already, kinda…but I want to take it to the NEXT level!!!

Like how when Ü first played Mario Bros. and went down the green pipe???
I want to be on some next level shyt with my approach in MY life!!!

I am sure the help that I need will come to me when it is needed…