Living Life & Loving It

The Life We Lead

Dynamic shifts can occur within an INSTANT! My time in Pittsburgh is a testament to that statement…

I find myself in a similar crossroad of choices to make.
I’ve made some difficult choices for other people recently.
Something MUST be done in order to contain with little sanity is left in the mental.
How important is YOUR state of well being in the presence of others?

Now, personally, I have came to a point where I must make a one of my STRONGEST power moves in order to better grasp my experience and mold it into what I believe is fitting for having a functioning reality. My current focus is consistency. The plan is to continue to bring what I am known for bringing:


In order to inner-stand where I am coming from over the next few months, the goal is to make sure that what is being read, matches what I have envisioned for my surroundings. These writings will be like Jellybeans in the forest of my life! A trail to follow upon if I were to lose my way, train of thought, or sense of direction towards what I can see from my soul. But first, a funeral and a reunion…


“Everybody Got Choices” – @E40 #SummerOfKings

Looking forward into the future, I can see that I have been making all the right decisions lately. Everything that I have PUT MYSELF through has sharpened me into a Ginsu knife in multiple way. Looking at all of the options that are in front of me, I can positivity say that I have decided upon which path I intend to walk.

Just a lil foreshadowing of something  MAJOR…

Until then, let The Consoler speech at chu a few tymes!
Ill get back at y’all in a few…




I look back over these last few months and I almost want to slap the thoughts out my mental.

I have been wanting to write about MAJORITY of the things that have put my family through, but I honestly do not have the time to relay those experiences currently. I WILL say that I am done with a LOT of nouns in my personal surroundings. Taking care of the home front is what matters most at this time. I have generations ahead and behind me that are “waiting on me”.

Pressure is what makes diamonds right???
Even though I do not like those things, it is the process that matters most.
The process that we are going through presently is a personal one.
A cluster is a combination of of similar things working together…

I be rambling sometimes
I DO know that I am in a happy place right now! But that does not mean that I am happy. The next step is to clear my name of the stains I have recently acquired. I might really have to start making Youtube videos shortly…

Back to the mud…


And The I said Fuck It…

Real quick before I have to make this hour long pilgrimage to make these nickels:

I have been meaning to get back on my writings for a LONG time now. Being that I “want to make an impact” with people who do’t even know me, I have over strained and stressed myself about this that only TRULY matter to ME. Even though there are those around me that have grand intentions, it still boils down to “What I eat, doesn’t make Ü shyt”.

I appreciate those that have gone out of their way to embrace The Young Man! I truly don’t know what it would be like doing what I love without the appreciation I have been getting these last few years. It is not very often that I can sit back and say I have touched and affected people, in one way or another. But it has been a LONG time since I have touched myself ( in both ways ).

And then DMX gets arrested for child support…

I have taken a HUGE blow on many levels by that happening on SUCH a short notice. It has put me in a state of reflection and re-direction. I KNOW things we be “greater later”, but that does not change my NOW. Presently, I am no longer amused by the antics that I see privy to social media. And even worse, the antics and attitudes of the people before the profile pictures. I have started to see the boundary lines diminish rapidly. The respect level that some people have is at an all time low. I will NOT tolerate that shyt!!!

So, if for whatever reason Ü are able to read this, I would like to take this time to advise Ü that I am starting to give a fuck more! Which means, with all due respect, I could careless what makes me favorable in YOUR eyes & mind. This has given me the ability to control MY world and environment. With as many times as I have said “I don’t give a fuck” about certain situations, it turns out that I do. And now, I have to start giving a fuck about myself before anything else that I believe matters to another person not living this life that I lead.



“Had to take a break! Get my life straight…” – @NUKnoE

Last August, I took a break from creating “new” music. After completing my Ep “Sketches vol.2: #Unbalanced”, I turned my focus on my family. Call it the new baby adjustment phase!

Currently, after a LONG journey of experiences and new endeavors, I feel comfortable “doing me” again. I posted a video on Instagram the other day of my daughter dancing to me freestyling and listening to instrumentals. I think it is safe to say that she LOVES music and I can now let the bass vibrate her to sleep.

For whatever reasons that it may be, I have pulled myself away from writing to my audience. I wish I could give a PROPER explanation, but I can’t – so look at this puppy!

My mission is to re-write my life, give me light in a fight for whats right, all the while, CONTINUOSLY delivering what I am known to give. I am even making efforts to do things that I have not done before. There might even be a push to polish the gold that I have laying around in the attic of my musical mansion. It all starts by taking the first step into what is called “productivity” and “organization”.

So to all who may have been wondering where I may have been hiding at with these blogs:

I’m just tryna get my life right….


Black Mystery #MYStoryVersesHIS

I have been trying to stay off Facebook as much as possible lately.
I truly can’t figure out why EYE would need to be on it constantly anymore…

Logging on today, Facebook wanted to know my “Legal Name” for “Verification Purposes”. I slightly declined & forcibly renamed myself. Now that I went from “Ben Duin Dis” to “Ben Dis”, my feelings for the platform are no longer the same. I went through my Timeline like the zombie that I have become, only to be reminded of TWO things: The Super Bowl & Black History Month.

Seeing as to how I once was “Duin Dis” and am now “Dis”, it has become VISUALLY apparent what I have been “Duin” and what I am currently. I have came a LONG way from being a “legal name”. I have denounced my legal name a LONG time ago!!! Ill write a blog about that one day (maybe…). I have not liked my “Government Name’ for well over a decade. It took me around 25 years of my life to define WHO I AM for MYSELF! Once I came to terms with what it is EYE stand for and represent as an individual walking this Earth, I began to shape the world around me based on that.

After YEARS of research ( I can’t believe I am now able to say that line ), I have came to a point where my line of thinking is conflicting with my immediate surrounding. I say that and mean it on every conceivable level it could mean. I am SO uncomfortable with my surrounding that I am forced to either physically change them or remove them altogether. Which brings me back to the Super Bowl…

i won’t watch that thing even if it came with a free meal! I can get NOTHING out of that power struggle. My power struggle is on my home front, not on TV. I understand that my power struggle is deeper than a 3 hour game. The thing most don’t understand is how distracted from the bigger picture we have grown to be. And to take that a step further, we has grown away from ourselves in the process of the distraction. This has pulled us away from our storyline of life and has us coasting downhill into whatever that is at the bottom.

Its like…

Once the GAME is over, the FANS will watch Baseball, but the PLAYERS must train for the next one.
Its just a dayum shame how many will show up for the practice…



For The Love #ArtisticValues

One of my VERY first studio recordings was about me getting my dick sucked…it started out as a “Safe Sex” song!!!
One of the VERY first songs I EVER wrote was a ballad or love song, a little over 20 years ago…

I remember a LONG time ago I said I was going to give up on making music. I went through a traumatic event that caused me to throw away my notebook. I was gonna focus on doing ANYTHING else. I promise Ü, somebody put the notebook back in front of my door. It was like fate or a stalker…either one…I was freaked out!!! That was the last time I said I would stop…

Until recently…

Flashback to June 2014, I said I was going to stop making music until after my daughter was born. That was one of the easiest things I have done lately. Not having to worry about making music, listening to instrumentals constantly, being a mental nut bag over articulation & enunciation, remembering every vocal inflection, every rhythmic step that leads into a bounce…the act of poetry in a groovy motion!!! I stopped doing what comes naturally to me. Something that I have been doing for SO long, I don’t know of anything else I could be better at.

Now that I have “returned” to the music entertainment industry, I don’t even want to be here!!!

This shit is GARBAGE!!!
I can not believe how over saturated MUSIC has become with “fluff” music!!! I have listened to the radio more since I stopped writing regularly and the shyt that the will play on the radio is ridiculous!!! I can not believe that people are calling those songs “music”??? Why??? WHY!!!


Because I have yet to take advantage of the situation. In a land of grime I can almost promise Ü Mr. Clean will shine!!! And that is what will drive me to the next level with this music thing. But that is also what will set me apart. I have long outgrown the desire of “fame & fortune” within the industry. That is what makes my music different. I just want to express my TRUEST thoughts down on paper & deliver them over an instrumental. I do not wish to self censor myself based on another persons feelings. But I also do not wish to attach people who lay their hearts on the line for me. Having a heart myself, I find it hard to “not give a fuck” about something I hold close to heart. So my tact is to make sure that I deliver ME to the best of my abilities.

And even now as I type this, listening to an instrumental that has the effect of making me want to tell people my personal problems, I want to hold myself back. I feel that if I say how I feel someone will be PISSED!!! But if I don’t say how EYE feel, I will never be at peace. And the dilemma of the artist will continue…


all I haveb

That 1st Step #Fear

*deep sigh*

There is MUCH internal struggle in EVERYTHING that I do!!!
That INTERNAL struggle often spills OUTWARD during times of grand stress.
I have been noticing my reactions to my surroundings quite more over the last few years.
Being aware of SELF during times when others are not have put me in a BAD place at times.
KNOWING those things, I know where majority of my hesitations have came from…

Research, experiences, trials and errors have brought me to the point the we all call PRESENT.
REFLECTING on those moments in memory have helped craft a path through the clouds of the past.
At the weakest of moments, there have been times that I KNEW I had things under control!
And those were the times that I couldn’t have been more wrong…

Being wrong at that level, with such high RISKS, is a thrill that is indescribable!!!
Its like falling from Space through the atmosphere and landing into a bottomless sinkhole of Cool Whip.
If Ü happen to manage burning the fuck up through the air, Ü still won’t be able to enjoy the taste of success…

Reaching out to answer the door when opportunity knocks
And believing the door is locked from the outside…



Dream King #EmotionalRoots

My cousin was like: “Come down to Memphis, TN for a LIVE video interview on me and Cletus’ radio show!”
I was like: “Okay!!!”

So I left work in Monroeville, PA with my brother DezONEi and drove to Raleigh/Durham, NC. It is one of the beautifulest cities I have been to. I love that place!!! I’ll write a blog about my experiences there one day. So after we left North Carolina, we get to Memphis and I do the show. The moment was GRAND!!! They gave me mad love, played “I’m Gon’ Get Chu!!!” like three times, I got a few callers from across the country, this chick named “Vivacious” had some BIG tiddies, Cletus & Ja’naye interviewed this other cat who was telling the people listening to “STAY AWAY FROM POLICE!”, I spit a verse about some deep shyt & then they asked me what else I was gonna do while I was in Memphis.

I told them I was going to the Lorraine Motel.

I never knew the place where Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinate was turned into a “Cilvil Rights Museum”. As we walked through the exhibits of Slavery in America (1619–1861), Student Sit-Ins (1960’s), Montgomery Bus Boycott (1955–1956), the Jim Crow era (1877 and the mid-1960s) and even seen a replica of MLK jr.’s prison cell. The tour ends with a glimpse of the hotel room where King slept. When Ü look at the spot he was murdered at, it gives off a weird energy.

We left the building and into the gift shop where I purchased a gum band that lost all its moisture, dried up & cracked after wearing it. i also purchased something else for a friend who had never gotten the chance to visit the hotel. One of the most memorable parts of the experience was neither the interview, the museum or even North Carolina! I got most of my kicks hanging with my people who I haven’t seen in years! But then being informed that people who have lived their entire life in the city of Memphis who have NEVER been to the Lorraine Motel…that kinda threw me off…

As I write this blog, I can remember where I was at in my life during those times. I also can remember how I felt doing what I love to do. But nothing lasts forever. Nothing has a place in eternity but change. Change is the constant that keeps everything in confusion. The chaos of change WILL bring clarity in hindsight, even if it presently brings calamity. I guess, in self reflection, Dr. King & Malcolm X’s dead bodies were a sign of a change to come? Or perhaps they were just older versions of the bodies slain today? Either way, the way things come together is not a matter of choosing for us. I know from life experiences that dreams do come true! They just might not be in the form we would expect.


MLK Memorial

Dream Seller #PersonalityTraits

Wisdom within wickedly written wordplay.

Who would have honestly began to imagine that the power to mold a person begins with the words spoken to them. I can understand how the “rush of the moment” has a tendency to mesh misplaced emotions with mismatched phrases. Even between the emotional wear and tear, there is very little positive reinforcement to replace or reassure perpetual emotional  growth. Despite dark days during dramatic theatrics, the difference is present ever so clearly.

Without wasting precious and calculated energy, one must be able to navigate the mental mind-field and tap the core of pureness within each fiber of the physical body. Making sure each breath has the capacity to uplift is a major challenge, one that must be taken with seriousness. Every thought must be PRE-thought before being actualized or manifested by the mouth. The initial thought is only to put the soul in motion.

Going forward through LIFE…

I must take the time needed to study personal relationship building, along with working on building myself in a proper space that can best accommodate the people that I love. Being more open to the idea of change is something I have always been a fan of! But just being “open” is not enough anymore. I need to take the first step in a 10 mile threshold crossing into change. I only know what I can do for myself during this journey and even so, I have a grand feeling that my actions will resonate as ripples in a pond long after I am gone.




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