nuknoe

Living Life & Loving It

“Had to take a break! Get my life straight…” – @NUKnoE

Last August, I took a break from creating “new” music. After completing my Ep “Sketches vol.2: #Unbalanced”, I turned my focus on my family. Call it the new baby adjustment phase!

Currently, after a LONG journey of experiences and new endeavors, I feel comfortable “doing me” again. I posted a video on Instagram the other day of my daughter dancing to me freestyling and listening to instrumentals. I think it is safe to say that she LOVES music and I can now let the bass vibrate her to sleep.

For whatever reasons that it may be, I have pulled myself away from writing to my audience. I wish I could give a PROPER explanation, but I can’t – so look at this puppy!

My mission is to re-write my life, give me light in a fight for whats right, all the while, CONTINUOSLY delivering what I am known to give. I am even making efforts to do things that I have not done before. There might even be a push to polish the gold that I have laying around in the attic of my musical mansion. It all starts by taking the first step into what is called “productivity” and “organization”.

So to all who may have been wondering where I may have been hiding at with these blogs:

I’m just tryna get my life right….

NÜK

Black Mystery #MYStoryVersesHIS

I have been trying to stay off Facebook as much as possible lately.
I truly can’t figure out why EYE would need to be on it constantly anymore…

Logging on today, Facebook wanted to know my “Legal Name” for “Verification Purposes”. I slightly declined & forcibly renamed myself. Now that I went from “Ben Duin Dis” to “Ben Dis”, my feelings for the platform are no longer the same. I went through my Timeline like the zombie that I have become, only to be reminded of TWO things: The Super Bowl & Black History Month.

Seeing as to how I once was “Duin Dis” and am now “Dis”, it has become VISUALLY apparent what I have been “Duin” and what I am currently. I have came a LONG way from being a “legal name”. I have denounced my legal name a LONG time ago!!! Ill write a blog about that one day (maybe…). I have not liked my “Government Name’ for well over a decade. It took me around 25 years of my life to define WHO I AM for MYSELF! Once I came to terms with what it is EYE stand for and represent as an individual walking this Earth, I began to shape the world around me based on that.

After YEARS of research ( I can’t believe I am now able to say that line ), I have came to a point where my line of thinking is conflicting with my immediate surrounding. I say that and mean it on every conceivable level it could mean. I am SO uncomfortable with my surrounding that I am forced to either physically change them or remove them altogether. Which brings me back to the Super Bowl…

i won’t watch that thing even if it came with a free meal! I can get NOTHING out of that power struggle. My power struggle is on my home front, not on TV. I understand that my power struggle is deeper than a 3 hour game. The thing most don’t understand is how distracted from the bigger picture we have grown to be. And to take that a step further, we has grown away from ourselves in the process of the distraction. This has pulled us away from our storyline of life and has us coasting downhill into whatever that is at the bottom.

Its like…

Once the GAME is over, the FANS will watch Baseball, but the PLAYERS must train for the next one.
Its just a dayum shame how many will show up for the practice…

NÜK

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For The Love #ArtisticValues

One of my VERY first studio recordings was about me getting my dick sucked…it started out as a “Safe Sex” song!!!
One of the VERY first songs I EVER wrote was a ballad or love song, a little over 20 years ago…

I remember a LONG time ago I said I was going to give up on making music. I went through a traumatic event that caused me to throw away my notebook. I was gonna focus on doing ANYTHING else. I promise Ü, somebody put the notebook back in front of my door. It was like fate or a stalker…either one…I was freaked out!!! That was the last time I said I would stop…

Until recently…

Flashback to June 2014, I said I was going to stop making music until after my daughter was born. That was one of the easiest things I have done lately. Not having to worry about making music, listening to instrumentals constantly, being a mental nut bag over articulation & enunciation, remembering every vocal inflection, every rhythmic step that leads into a bounce…the act of poetry in a groovy motion!!! I stopped doing what comes naturally to me. Something that I have been doing for SO long, I don’t know of anything else I could be better at.

Now that I have “returned” to the music entertainment industry, I don’t even want to be here!!!

This shit is GARBAGE!!!
I can not believe how over saturated MUSIC has become with “fluff” music!!! I have listened to the radio more since I stopped writing regularly and the shyt that the will play on the radio is ridiculous!!! I can not believe that people are calling those songs “music”??? Why??? WHY!!!

Why?

Because I have yet to take advantage of the situation. In a land of grime I can almost promise Ü Mr. Clean will shine!!! And that is what will drive me to the next level with this music thing. But that is also what will set me apart. I have long outgrown the desire of “fame & fortune” within the industry. That is what makes my music different. I just want to express my TRUEST thoughts down on paper & deliver them over an instrumental. I do not wish to self censor myself based on another persons feelings. But I also do not wish to attach people who lay their hearts on the line for me. Having a heart myself, I find it hard to “not give a fuck” about something I hold close to heart. So my tact is to make sure that I deliver ME to the best of my abilities.

And even now as I type this, listening to an instrumental that has the effect of making me want to tell people my personal problems, I want to hold myself back. I feel that if I say how I feel someone will be PISSED!!! But if I don’t say how EYE feel, I will never be at peace. And the dilemma of the artist will continue…

NÜK

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That 1st Step #Fear

*deep sigh*

There is MUCH internal struggle in EVERYTHING that I do!!!
That INTERNAL struggle often spills OUTWARD during times of grand stress.
I have been noticing my reactions to my surroundings quite more over the last few years.
Being aware of SELF during times when others are not have put me in a BAD place at times.
KNOWING those things, I know where majority of my hesitations have came from…

Research, experiences, trials and errors have brought me to the point the we all call PRESENT.
REFLECTING on those moments in memory have helped craft a path through the clouds of the past.
At the weakest of moments, there have been times that I KNEW I had things under control!
And those were the times that I couldn’t have been more wrong…

Being wrong at that level, with such high RISKS, is a thrill that is indescribable!!!
Its like falling from Space through the atmosphere and landing into a bottomless sinkhole of Cool Whip.
If Ü happen to manage burning the fuck up through the air, Ü still won’t be able to enjoy the taste of success…

Reaching out to answer the door when opportunity knocks
And believing the door is locked from the outside…

NÜK

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Dream King #EmotionalRoots

My cousin was like: “Come down to Memphis, TN for a LIVE video interview on me and Cletus’ radio show!”
I was like: “Okay!!!”

So I left work in Monroeville, PA with my brother DezONEi and drove to Raleigh/Durham, NC. It is one of the beautifulest cities I have been to. I love that place!!! I’ll write a blog about my experiences there one day. So after we left North Carolina, we get to Memphis and I do the show. The moment was GRAND!!! They gave me mad love, played “I’m Gon’ Get Chu!!!” like three times, I got a few callers from across the country, this chick named “Vivacious” had some BIG tiddies, Cletus & Ja’naye interviewed this other cat who was telling the people listening to “STAY AWAY FROM POLICE!”, I spit a verse about some deep shyt & then they asked me what else I was gonna do while I was in Memphis.

I told them I was going to the Lorraine Motel.

I never knew the place where Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinate was turned into a “Cilvil Rights Museum”. As we walked through the exhibits of Slavery in America (1619–1861), Student Sit-Ins (1960’s), Montgomery Bus Boycott (1955–1956), the Jim Crow era (1877 and the mid-1960s) and even seen a replica of MLK jr.’s prison cell. The tour ends with a glimpse of the hotel room where King slept. When Ü look at the spot he was murdered at, it gives off a weird energy.

We left the building and into the gift shop where I purchased a gum band that lost all its moisture, dried up & cracked after wearing it. i also purchased something else for a friend who had never gotten the chance to visit the hotel. One of the most memorable parts of the experience was neither the interview, the museum or even North Carolina! I got most of my kicks hanging with my people who I haven’t seen in years! But then being informed that people who have lived their entire life in the city of Memphis who have NEVER been to the Lorraine Motel…that kinda threw me off…

As I write this blog, I can remember where I was at in my life during those times. I also can remember how I felt doing what I love to do. But nothing lasts forever. Nothing has a place in eternity but change. Change is the constant that keeps everything in confusion. The chaos of change WILL bring clarity in hindsight, even if it presently brings calamity. I guess, in self reflection, Dr. King & Malcolm X’s dead bodies were a sign of a change to come? Or perhaps they were just older versions of the bodies slain today? Either way, the way things come together is not a matter of choosing for us. I know from life experiences that dreams do come true! They just might not be in the form we would expect.

NÜK

MLK Memorial

Dream Seller #PersonalityTraits

Wisdom within wickedly written wordplay.

Who would have honestly began to imagine that the power to mold a person begins with the words spoken to them. I can understand how the “rush of the moment” has a tendency to mesh misplaced emotions with mismatched phrases. Even between the emotional wear and tear, there is very little positive reinforcement to replace or reassure perpetual emotional  growth. Despite dark days during dramatic theatrics, the difference is present ever so clearly.

Without wasting precious and calculated energy, one must be able to navigate the mental mind-field and tap the core of pureness within each fiber of the physical body. Making sure each breath has the capacity to uplift is a major challenge, one that must be taken with seriousness. Every thought must be PRE-thought before being actualized or manifested by the mouth. The initial thought is only to put the soul in motion.

Going forward through LIFE…

I must take the time needed to study personal relationship building, along with working on building myself in a proper space that can best accommodate the people that I love. Being more open to the idea of change is something I have always been a fan of! But just being “open” is not enough anymore. I need to take the first step in a 10 mile threshold crossing into change. I only know what I can do for myself during this journey and even so, I have a grand feeling that my actions will resonate as ripples in a pond long after I am gone.

NÜK

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Free Merchandise!!! #FanAppreciation

Last year I opened up for the Ying Yang Twins in Pittsburgh, PA. It was a GRAND SHOW!!! I had one of the best crowd interactions I’ve had in a while! Out of the like, 40 minutes that I was on stage, I performed seven songs. At the end of my song Hoopty, this female asks me for my bandana. I declined politely

I called Chief Cannon on stage for the next song, and THIS happens! Maybe Ü can tell from the video that I was NOT trying to let that bandana go!!! I have my reasonings that I will explain a bit later in this post, but Cannon fought me for that thing!!! I was trying to tell him that I NEEDED it, he did’t care, I let it go, and the show continued for like 3 more songs.

Upon Cannon leaving the stage, he started to interact with the female he gave my bandana to…they took pictures n shyt….danced…mingled…while I continued with the show. After like 10 more minutes on stage with the hot lights and body heat, the sweat began to POUR down my face. So much so that I could NOT see a THING in front of me!

At about the 5 second mark in this video, Ü can see me reaching out with a plea for help! I was in a desperate need! My eyes were on FIRE!!! I literally thought I was gonna cry on stage!!! The pain made me slow down and pace the rest of the song. After the song ended I had to take off my shirt. Not for the sex appeal aspect or to show off my man figure, but to wipe to the liquid salt from my face that had begun eroding my eyelids. Then I began the next and final song…

At the one minute mark in this video, Ü can see Chief Cannon & the female taking pictures and dancing n shyt.

When I touched the dance floor to look for her to give her a CD for her troubles and efforts, she evaporated!!! I never seen her after that and she never came to see me. I reflect on this moment a lot actually. I like to think about all the things that could have been different. What could I have done to make a more effective connection with people who I might evaporate on me again???

Which leads me to the moral of the story:

I need at least TWO sweat rags from now on!!!

NÜK

If Ü haven’t already, click HERE to sign up for the  NÜKsletter so Ü can some free merch & more!!!!

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Bad Memory Lane #NeverForget

I was showing my Queen my “Archive of Ancient Achievements” not to long ago and she almost cussed me out! She was truly tripping off of all the Music, Pictures, Videos and Memorabilia that I have laying around. She calls me a hoarder!!! I don’t believe I am that bad…but its bad…

After a LOT of explaining and convincing, I have agreed to start blogging about my past on Thursdays. I will include with the story the video, picture or song that the “Throwback” will be about. I will give as much detail that I can regarding the situation, place, time/period & the relevant people.

This ideal behind bringing my dark & shrouded past to the light just might help me keep active posts on this blog! I got HELLA stories about MULTIPLE different times in my life where I just so happened to have been in a situation that made me the person I am today. I tend to be a VERY private person as well. These stories will be of a caliber of rawness that Ü might not ever read again in yo LIFE son!!! The visual that will accompany the words will be to give Ü a deeper ( sometimes ) insight behind what I was thinking & what might have been going on at that captured moment.

In my next post, I will explain the thoughts going on in my mental as I was moving through Time & Space while reciting the ghetto gospel given to me from the Heavens all while keeping perfect harmony and rhythm within the moment!!!

*takes a breath*

Brace your self…

NÜK

So I Was Like…

I need to get my life right!!!

Setting grand habits is a difficult task! Even when there is a goal at the end of the tunnel worth all of your stresses and turmoils, going into it may be the hardest thing we could ever do! I am currently experiencing such a mental relapse. It sucks because I am usually this person who has that “focus” and “drive” and “ambition” that people speak of so casually. But the bottom line, if EYE do not feel that is what I AM…there is a problem in Houston! Or in another city…

Whatever.

The point I am trying to get through with THIS post???

I need to stop acting like I am NOT as GRAND of an individual that I AM!!! And I feel that there are people that will read this post who need that SAME message and reassurance!!! The sad thing of all this??? I do not take the time to BE what I could become. This is something I will be working on as soon as possible!!!

This is not some type of fluff or self help shyt I read in a book. I truly feel that the possibilities of changing a persons life ( even my own ) can be accomplished by me cataloging my very own movements around this planet. I have “Ben Duin” that already, kinda…but I want to take it to the NEXT level!!!

Like how when Ü first played Mario Bros. and went down the green pipe???
I want to be on some next level shyt with my approach in MY life!!!

I am sure the help that I need will come to me when it is needed…

NÜK

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When The Police Are Murdered #PayAttention

***Disclaimer: I do NOT condone Murder of any kind***

I wanted to speak on this as soon as I heard about it, but doing my laundry was more important at the moment. So just incase Ü have not heard about it, here is the story in six words: Guy From Baltimore, Kills Two Cops. This story is intriguing to me for a few different reasons. Ill breakdown my personal thought first, then I post a few things others have pointed out that I could give less than an ant stamp about.

First, it was bound to happen eventually. Once ANYBODY gets fed up enough, they will either strike back or die. This guy did both. He felt it was HIS DUTY to kill a few cops. He also felt that killing two cops and then killing himself would be the best solution to Police killing Black People. I do not feel JUSTICE can be served by becoming bloodlustful (I made that word up). I truly do not believe that KILLING PEOPLE is the correct action to people being killed. That doesn’t make sense to me…

Eric Garner and Mike Brown were MURDERED. There is NO way to justify or get around that fact. Its like those eye illusions, after a while of looking at some lines and random colors, the picture becomes clear. What gets me is how many people will gather to the white person and throw rocks at the black person. They even said that Eric deserved to be choked to death. Then people have pooled monies together in order to help raise funds for the defense and “hardships”. Meanwhile, black people are labeled savages, thugs, animals & demons.

The thing that I have been hearing lately, is that this “killing” was a “set up” that was used as a catalyst for a Race War. That is something that I can see! But the FACTS are what I need. So here is what I have come to know about this case:

1.) Why is dude missing a shoe string?
2.) Why did he drive to NYC from B-More and only kill TWO cops??? That’s a hell of a long way for 2 bodies… #Fail
3.) The timeline of the situation is kinda…different…

The “story” of the timeline was brought to my attention twice. Both people (who have no ideal of the other) spoke about how a person buys a ticket, boards “a bus” after shooting someone, rides for about 3 hours in one direction without the police doing routine checks for criminals that might be fleeing the area, gets off the bus & discards HIS GIRLFRIENDS PHONE (the one they were using to track that ass), and then makes a Instagram post.

Ü can read the rest of the Timeline in the link, but I will stop with the Instagram post. Now, since he no longer has a phone, how did he post that picture??? And even with that small bit of info I can’t really comprehend, why did it take so long for Baltimore PD to call New York PD???

Im not saying anything more that what Ü are reading. Im not tryna insinuate “conspiracy” or whatever the fuck. Im just relaying the story as I see it. And if anyone can see it differently, let ME know. Because shyt like THIS is real to me!!!

NÜK

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