Living Life & Loving It

The Price We Pay

I had an epiphany the other day!
And then it continued to happen everyday after that…

A while ago I wrote about Time. I didn’t truly comprehend what I was writing at that moment, but since that day, I started to learn and educate myself on things that EYE find interesting. Along the way, I discovered how precious each thought I think truly is! Which brings me to the predicament at hand.

Each day, as soon as I get out of bed, NOTHING that I do is what I WANT to do.

The exchange of my time is something I part with constantly. Even as I write these words, Ill never get to repeat those moments I had my back to my child. Im cool with that though…she might be as well ( I spent WAY too much time in her face! ). But when I have to go “provide” for her and the rest of the unit, I have to risk SO much for SO little!!! It is NOT a fair exchange!!!

I hear people justify their exchanges unconfidently to others. And they believe I am crazy for being as outspoken as I am. I believe they are crazy because they are, by definition, insane. So I end up questioning my sanity. Which sends me searching for more answers…

Gotta pay the bills” though…

But at what cost??



“Back On My Business!!!” –

Almost 7 years ago, I almost died

My life since then has been a CONSTANT battle with rebuilding, reorganizing, reevaluating and above all – SURVIVING! In a strange way, the year after I started my record company, I fell ill to HELLA dis-eases! I even was close to suicide…

The rebuilding process has been a slow and methodical adventure!!! I have been everything that I wanted to be ( and even things that I have not even imagined ). But during that process, I lost a LOT of what I was building towards. They call it “Momentum”. I was traveling up hill carrying 100 tons & SPRINTING!!!

What happens when Ü lose that pace???

Which brings me to the point I am currently! I have taken the next step ( I feel ) needed to better reach those who want to be reached by me!! I started a Newsletter!!! This is a MAJOR step for me!!! I am able to better organize MY social & personal life through the “NÜKsletter” and give it to Ü as RAW as I get it. 

On top of the “NÜKsletter“, I have been creating a program chart for a Blog Talk Radio show I have recently started! I’m calling it “F.R.E.S.H.H. Radio“! I intend on making it a well rounded forum for the topics that I hold close & that those on my “NÜKsletter List” will eventually recommend me to cover for them on future shows. Currently, I am working with Times & Days the show will air. Every other Monday & Friday I want to socialize with Ü, and every other Wednesday I want to bring Ü an interview.

I will be using the “NÜKsletter” to get advice, information & topics of interest in order to give to the “F.R.E.S.H.H. Radio” listeners!!! On top of the poetry book that I have been working towards, these are exciting times for ME personally!!! 

If Ü have not signed up for the “NÜKsletter“, do so now and receive a FREE Download of “Sketches vol.1“. Go to my website ( or click HERE & Ü will be taken to the sign up page. 

Thank Ü In Advance!!!



Living The Dream

One day I realized something was VERY wrong

I looked around me to see that “Scripts” were becoming a part of peoples daily dialog. Even myself, I could quote a few words or sentences that I have heard 5,000 times each on a minimum. When I came to THAT realization…I watched for a while…

…and then I watched some more

I watched SO much that I became a ninja figure that could pop up on a person with out them seeing ME whenever I felt like it. Thats one of my gifts!!! I would like to think of it as Awareness.

That was years ago, currently, Im at a point in my life where I can no longer watch people in an outside environment. I am trapped in a building…maybe like Ü might be. I see the same people 5 days in a row (maybe!), on the same schedule, same time, doing the same thing, all day, everyday…

Every once in a while I will spark a conversation with a handful of the people. I always get feedback, which is awesüm!!! But sometimes I get off the wall answers, looks, and even faces of confusion. My topics will go against the grain of the brain they have trained into thinking the thoughts they hold dearly. I can’t help but pick a persons brain whenever I’m allowed!!! 

But at times, Ill inquire towards a certain line of thinking. No matter who replies, I usually get a similar answer. That answer eludes into an uncertainty. And then the topic changes to Television, Music, Sports or Obamacare. So with nothing better to do, out of boredom, I drift into a corner somewhere with something that interest ME

Ü will see the world a bit differently when Ü are awake with it.



Chains of The Slave

I sat on a table reading for FOUR hours the other day.

I would have read for more, but sadly…I had to do something else every so often. The more I think about WHY I was able to read for 4 hours…I become a bit confused and angry! I start to reflect on all the books I have read over the past few weeks. At times, I actually become jaded at the time I spend reading!

It’s like, I left the comfort of my home, the love of my family, the fresh air, and even the ability to make a sandwich at WILL…all because I must go into a building…sit on my ass…and READ???

It doesn’t make sense…especially to those who WATCH ME read all day! I piss people OFF because I read as frequently as I do. But there is honestly nothing they can say to me…this is how EYE spend MY time…


I see MAJORITY of the people locked into one of a few other things than reading. I see people with, what I like to call, Boomerang Neck. I see people walking in circles. I sometimes look up to watch people who are watching me read. I hear conversations about being bored, sex, drugs, lies…

And then after 8 hours (or even 12), each one of us will stare at a clock & WAIT to leave! Come back the next day and do it over again…



And then it dawns on me…

…I actually signed up for this…



7 Perks of Black Privilege

Due to my current schedule, I will try to make this as detailed as possible with the allotted time. I would like to think I am writing a piece that would cause way more critical thinking than anything else that may result of these words. If there are any feelings brought about by this writing, Ü have brought that upon yourself.

Lately, I have been seeing a writing from 1988 circling my online surroundings. People have been explaining, in their own words, the current validity of the thoughts of that time. My thoughts???


The writer made some valid points…history has made better points…but MY LIFE??? I can honestly say without a doubt that I have never experienced “White Privilege” in my life. But I know about Black Privilege!!! And Ü know what??? I’ll tell Ü about it!!!

This is not, by any means, a definitive list. This is more a reaffirmation to self than anything. With that said:

1). The Universe & EVERYTHING in it has given me Life in order to discover The Universe & the Life that it contains!!! For that, I am and will be eternally grateful…Thank Ü…

2).  Due to the creative & alchemic nature within self, I was able to seed a rock in the soil. It eventually grew a tree, that produced the lemons, that have been & will be thrown at me…because I’m Awesüm!!!

3). Hindsight is my chosen guide in this Life!!! Being able to understand past events clear and precisely is a gift that animals do not have.

4). Melanin is a dark pigment within the skin. Melanin is also proven to be a powerful Superconductor of energy. Naturally, darker skin provides protection from the Sun. So in a sense, the darker Ü are, the more energy Ü may contain!!!

5). Yes…its true

6).  Foresight allows me to see into the future. I have trained & focused my mind to be sharp for upcoming mental trials that may come my way. Seeing what lies ahead becomes a natural product of keen awareness.

7). Having been through some of the most horrible of things in life, there can be nothing but a GRAND and BEAUTIFUL outcome!!! And in order to make sure those things happen, I have been blessed with the privilege to Love Unconditionally. That alone trumps anything I could expect in this Life.

8).    .   .   .

And now I must be going…the birds are telling me to sleep…



Satan Is Real!!!

***Disclaimer: I am not religious but I do believe in a Creator. #Spiritual***

My love for Video-Games (or is it Videogames?) has a long seeded & well watered history in my life. Even into adulthood, I am still a child when it comes to those things. But the reality is…

Who has time to play a video-game????

So Castlevania: Lords of Shadow 2 came out & I bought it…I didn’t have the money to do so & was pissed that I did. So I will be giving “Spoilers” in this blog, but it really doesn’t matter to me. In the end…I defeated Satan…again!!! It took me less than 10 hours to do this task. The ending was SO hard to beat AND the dialog was HYPER repetitive! So much so that I put my television on mute while destroying the Fallen Angel.

And then it TRULY dawned on me after I stabbed the vile being in the chest…this was no ordinary video-game. Due to suffering from a lack of sleep by working a forced 3rd shift, and forced sleep deprivation based on trying to “beat this game in as few hours as I can, so I can get back my life”…

I started thinking…

“And these hoes love me like Satan” - Lil Wayne

“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince the world he didn’t exist” – Usual Suspects

“But woe to the earth and the sea, because the devil has gone down to you!” – Revelation 12:12

I thought about it all at the same time…for a LONG time!!! The thought still doesn’t sit well with me. I start to think about all this talk & speak of “Illuminati” & “The 1%” and everything that goes along with that. And then I think about how heavy BOTH of my grandmothers are in the bible. We are alive in strange times indeed…

I don’t even know why I started to write this piece. It is NOT to “Prove” something to someone or “Disprove” something. I would like to call it an observation of my surroundings. A focusing of my awareness. Self re-evaluation of THEE current situation at hand. Day to day life is a huge distraction from the life that has been lead on this planet in the past. People tend to not learn for prior mistakes…myself included…

Ill leave Ü with a blessing from a past blog:




Social Media SUCKS!!!

Last year I took a break from Facebook for a week. It was the best choice I made at that time! I felt liberated to a point that I could think about & do OTHER things…anything…other than Facebook.

The crack brought me back…

And honestly, I’m tired of it! “Social Sites” are not what they COULD be. I don’t even know what they have become lately, not like I knew what they were before. But I do know what it was like before Social Media!!! I actually CALLED people on the phone instead of texting entire conversations. Twitter used to lightweight cure my ADHD. As a “working musician”, I have no iClue what the fuck Reverbnation is used for. Is it MySpace’s step brother??? I don’t know if I should get a Tumblr because “everybody has one” and I should “expand my reach” to touch more people. But then I would have to take pictures on Instagram EVERYDAY just to stay relevant in peoples News Feed (which reminds me to post that picture of oatmeal I ate yesterday).

I don’t even like taking pictures!
If I did, I’d be a photographer!!!

But I take pictures…with a filter sometimes…it brings dramatic effect to my stale ass life. Hashtag a few of these things right like #This. Once I get the hang of that, someone updates their pocket device & can now make little 15 second videos of bullshyt? So when I try to do that, my phone doesn’t support that function, so now I feel left out…or should I?? Maybe I should start making these Youtube videos to showcase me as an individual, in a world of individuals, who are living different lives than displayed in the visual.???

I need views n shit…

For why???

I guess to be super social in a world full of people who no longer communicate in person. I feel as if I have to keep up with the advances in technology in order to stay relevant in the “popular conversation”. I remember the first time someone asked me for my email and I didn’t have one. That kinda sucked! Now I have 4 accounts and that sucks even more!!!

Looking at these screens is sucking the soul straight from my body through my eyes.

But if it was not for this “Social Media Shyt”, I would not be able to express myself to people who don’t even know me. People who can’t even say my name correctly come up to me and say: I like what you are doing. I appreciate that! People that read EVERYTHING I post, but won’t acknowledge they fact the did in ANY WAY are like that people who just stares at Ü from across the way.


Maybe Ill never understand it…

But one day I will!
And that will be the beginning of taking my life back and sharing the process with Ü!
I gotta bring as many people out of “The Void” as possible.




Domestic Violence

I live a constantly complex life!!! 

Not saying that your personal life is not complex, but I am quite sure I process my information waaaayyyyy differently than Ü. Certain things take a while for me to respond to. A delay in reaction. 

Almost like a…short circuit…I won’t feel a thing!!!

 I’ll call it “Emotional Disconnect”.

Over Hyper Analyzing situations.

In the blink of an Angels’ eye a already terrible situation can change dramatic & terrifying. I STILL don’t know how to respond or react. It not like a “passing away” of a loved one…Ü already knew the ending would come…one day. But to have a life TAKENREMOVEDSTOLEN

NOTHING can compare to the shock murder does to ones train of thought…

Yet, things of that nature seems to be in the nature of a crazed people these days. 

I can only begin to feel the anguish that this has brought to my family. I will never truly know the full extent of the impact. But even in the absence of a physical presence, I can say I am there in spirt. I want to continue to be positive when things of a negative nature enter our reality. Being a pillar of support in in climate weather is always needed to matter the reason.

Im not sure how to word this next portion other than being direct:

Domestic Violence is SERIOUS!!! 
I can NOT begin to stress that enough!!!
If Ü or someone Ü know is a abusive relationship…


Inform the proper authorities and prevent something far worse than hurt pride.


*In memory of Shandar Marie Turner


Don’t Mind Me

Since the last time I wrote a blog I have been through…


The vastness of that which we call “Reality” is TOO familiar to be ANYTHING other than “Actual”… 


As I have been going through MY personal reality, others have been going through theirs as well. I don’t fault ANYONE who has a focus on “Self”. Sometimes…that is the best focus to have! But I do feel to we ALL should have a firm grip on the “Big Picture” of the “WHY” we go through the things we do on a DAILY basis. 

With that being said…

I will attempt to clear the space as much as possible…I need to make more room…



The Crown

I have approached this Summer a bit differently than the last…as it should always be! This year had me watching the sun rise on the beach of Lake Tahoe, almost rear ending a car under a bridge in San Francisco, drinking a 5th of Hennessy  in the middle of Lake Folsom in Sacramento, playing ON a set of Dominoes while in a park, watching weed grow (its an exciting process!!! I Fux Wit The Shytz!!!), watching a episode of COPS get filmed in front of my face, getting cussed out by the non Anglish speaking person sitting in the middle of the road at 4am & sooooo many other things…

I could make a list that would compromise this entire blog!!!
Saying “I had fun” would be like slapping me in the face…

And even then…it is not even all about ME.

During my escapades of interstate traveling, I had conversations with like minded people. Even people who were NOT like minded…but more so , convinced with conviction of their positions of entitlement. People with a purpose. People with goals AND plans to achieve them. People who (like me) are willing to carve their names on the face of Mother Earth…tribal style of course.

I said that to say this:

I am NOT the only one who has a mission to achieve on this planet.
I AM one of the FEW who knows the value of strength in numbers.
I will be a teacher & a leader before I become a conformist & follow.

I do not wear my proverbial crown year round…so when the Summer ends…I usually take it off…and let the rest of The Royal Family run about & enjoy the throne.

My reasoning…???


Being a King is easy when Ü know there is a WAR going on that Ü do not have to participate in.
I am a hands on type of individual. I also believe that I connect with people better when I am with them under the same circumstances. One can’t ALWAYS give orders and not be willing to takes orders as well. There should be a balance…being a Libra, its only right I take of my crown at the end of the Summer.

And even without the weight of the crown…I still hold my position…




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